The other day, my 13-year-old told me that I be droppin Mama Lore…and I can’t stop thinking about it. And when I can’t stop thinking about it, I write about it. So let me explain.
In the hustle and bustle of getting the people to their places, scanning the fridge for dinner magic, and smoothing the itch cream onto the rashes, the kids catch glimpses of Mama’s past lives. The Times Before They Were Born, you know? I know you know.
For example, one day, we were chillin on the couch and a song came on a commercial. It happened to be “Toxic” by Britney Spears. And something came over me. My body rose up from the couch. My hips found the beat of the drum. And the next thing I knew, those violins pulled me into a squat and my shoulders hit a crisp and familiar left-right-left-right.
You see, dear reader, in the Times Before They Were Born, I was a cheerleader and joined dance teams whenever and wherever. I liked to boogie. Still do. Always have. So I looked at my confused teenager, nestled deep into the couch – device in hand, headset around his neck – and I smiled. “You know, I was on a dance team in Australia once. We had a dance to this song.” He shook his head and chuckled knowingly as he replied, “You be droppin that Mama Lore.”
“Mama Lore?” I asked, intrigued. “Yeah. We’ll just be chillin, and you’ll be like ‘Did I tell you about the time I was in the CIA?...I stopped an alien invasion.” And it was all I could do not to pee my pants from laughing so hard.
I try really hard to make sure that my kids know who I am. Not just who I am to them. But who I am to me. Mama Lore – so eloquently named – is me making sure that they know how I see myself. My interests. My adventures. My risks. My challenges. My failures. My recovery. My joys. My hurts. My journey across this life.
Lifecourse theory can help us understand our journey across this life (you can google it if you feel like it, but not if you don’t). It’s pretty intuitive though. According to lifecourse theory,
1) Each life stage influences the next. Examples of life stages include: infancy,
toddlerhood, childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, middle adulthood, and late
adulthood. They’re all connected.
2) Our social (friends and family), economic (work and education) and physical
environments (home and neighborhood) have a profound influence on our health
and the health of our community.
Parents are a huge part of shaping kids’ transitions across life's stages. And kids often use parents’ experiences to help them place themselves on their own life journey. But they don’t know what they don’t see. What we tell them about who we are offers options or possibilities or considerations for who they think they can be in this world. Options for what is considered acceptable or “normal” to be.
And ultimately, you are the author of your Mama Lore. Since they don’t know who you were before they showed up, you can decide what to normalize as part of the human journey. You can normalize laughter and silliness. You can normalize adventure and risk-taking. You can normalize failure and heartbreak. You can normalize trying your best and accepting the results. They truly do want to get to know you. The real, authentic, human you. Go ahead and give ‘em a little Mama Lore.
Ponderings to consider: Do you remember anything that might be considered “Mama Lore” from your childhood? How did it help you see your parents differently? How did it help you see yourself differently?
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